Mimi , Vegas.

Every time I write

I don’t know why I do

When I know it’s never going to reach to you

I’d say its been months

even though I know it’s been years

would you believe the chokehold you have on me all of these years

or is it my conscious that never got closure

to keep me coming back for more exposure

so much to say

so much to apologize for

but I know it’ll never be enough

The demon you’ve made up of me

lives inside you

We’re still so cordial

Acting like nothing happened

but like a child with a heartbreak

some things just can’t be replaced or forgotten

I was never there when you needed me

but now you’ve got someone new

who needs you

And as happy as I want to be

my jealousy gets the best of me

I’ve been waiting for you to be my escape.
Runaway to a town neither of us know so that we can start life all over again on our own terms.

It’s not that I didn’t want you

it’s that I didn’t deserve you

and I did what I knew I had to do

To stop selfishly protecting myself

and to start protecting you

opened my eyes to whole new meaning of love and life

I want to know when you’re sick

Your whole life, every bit

Who you’ve been with

Where you’ve gone

Where you want to be

Where we went wrong

I’ve kept our every conversation

bet you didn’t know that

Wanting the ending to be just like the beginning

Because life’s not the same without you

I wonder if you draw

Or still drive that black car

How you’re handling your ocd

Only being able to pull in to the parking lot in one direction to the right I think

Are sour patch kids still your favorite

Are wolves?

I often wonder if you think about the conversations we used to have

If you think back into how we began

Were we just forcing it upon ourselves

Were we supposed to be together till the very end

I wonder if you tell your gfs about what was us

Or what you think of me now

I fight the urge to come see you

I continuously look at the flights

One button away from finalizing

A one way trip to never look back

But I know it’s not my right

To show up at your doorsteps

And write my own tunes

To a life you’ve already settled in

That’s been built to survive without me

Do you feel that I made the wrong decision

Or do you feel that you should’ve pushed harder

7 years now

And I can honestly say

There hasn’t been a day where you didn’t

Appear in my mind

even for a second of any given day

I’ve been with him

but my heart always knew

Its always felt something missing

Which can’t be anymore obvious

you

It’s not fair to you

After all the fun and games

It’s not my right to try and come into your life

even though I’ve always known

I’d want to end it with you

the truth might make you hate me

because I’ve spoken too late

but I really hope it makes you think

about where we would’ve been

because I dont think I could accept my life

without you ever in it

Even if I have to settle

with us just being friends

I can’t say that it doesn’t hurt me

to see you with different people

but I also know you deserve happiness

when I haven’t been able to be there for you

You’ll always be my first

As I’ll always crave for you to be my last

so I write this for

my first real lover

Where do I go from here?

Wishing that we could start over or move forward where we both realize we’re meant for each other.

elpatron-delmal:

I apologize if I ever was a toxic person in your life, I’m maturing more everyday, correcting my wrongs and slowly but surely becoming a better version of me.

Source: elpatron-delmal

lyjerria:

your standards should be high for both your friendships and romantic relationships. everyone you surround yourself with should have qualities you actually admire.